Journey Through Space by sid

1
One morning John Brown woke up with a headache and looked out of the window. ”It must be Tuesday” he said, because nothing ever goes right on Tuesdays.” He was right, this Tuesday he is going to have a lot more to worry about than just a headache…
2
He went downstairs and made some tea. After he had his breakfast he went outside and sat on the little bench in the park. John Brown was 42 years old, had black hair and a very sharp pencil. He opened the paper and saw there an oil spill in Australia! Something had cut a hole in an oil tanker so it leaked all the oil into the Great Barrier Reef and killed all the sea life! Reporters say it was a couple of teenagers on board, but the metal was said to be able to survive a trip through the vacuum of space and back as good as new. He put down the newspaper and walked home.
3
On the way he saw all the cats in London walk, as if hypnotised, to John’s friend Steve’s house! “What are all these cats doing?” John shouted above all the meowing “I don’t know? Steve shouted back, “maybe it’s because I have a 500 week supply of cat food!” “But you got that 501 weeks ago!” John shouted. There was a long pause. Then Steve’s dog, Rover came in and barked at all the cats but they didn’t even twitch! Then Rover picked on up in his mouth and crunched it to bits! Cogs and screws flew everywhere while Rover, in all the excitement ran into his kennel and never came back until dinnertime.
The next day John awoke to the sound of a high-pitched screech which turned into a crash. He got out of bed and opened the window to see a pile of rubble were the Big Ben used to be! He rushed downstairs to see a big pale-green blob under it! Suddenly he got knocked out and carried away.
4
When he woke up he was in pitch black and the floor was all slimy. “H-hello?” he stuttered nervously. “I-is anyone t-there?” The sound of water dripping sent a shiver down his spine. Suddenly a dark figure moved into the room causing John to jump. “Sllxpptleexiourspt?” it said. “Pardon?” said John. “(Cough) sorry, I thought you spoke xxpttle. Anyway I’m Lxpptle in human that’s Frederick. You can call me Fred. At the moment you are on my spaceship, in the dungeon, at the back of the ship” said Fred. He spoke in a sleepy way like Eddie Izzards’. When he moved his pale green skin wrinkled up like Grandad at the cup finals. Apart from that he was like a normal, bald human. “I’m-m John”
5
Fred turned the light on and walked into a room that looked like it was off the Starship Enterprise. “This is the control station” exclaimed Fred, “If it were to break… we would spiral down to the nearest planet and face almost certain death” As soon as he said this, a red light started flashing and an electronic voice came on and said “Control room damaged. Control room damaged. All systems shutting dowwwwn. Then all went quiet. “Uh-oh” whispered Fred. He looked at his GPS watch, “we will now be heading towards the planet Crent in the 7th galaxy of the 193rd universe” he said in an exhausted tone of voice.
6
Fred went to the corner and whacked his head on the wall. Suddenly the wall crumbled away and a year’s supply of clotted cream poured into the control room 3 seconds before it hit the surface of Crent. The clotted cream acted as a shock absorber and saved the 2 heroes from almost certain death. “Why did you have a year’s supply of clotted cream stashed away in the walls of your spaceship?” asked John. “Why do you have pink bats!” Fred said. They were lying down on a hard surface that looked like toffee and felt like rubber. “While we’re here can you tell me the whole story?” asked John.
7
“Well” started Fred “I was a happy person, living on this mothership with another 3,000,000,000 of my kind; we were planning to take over Earth. The oil tank was our fault; we wanted to distract the humans so we could steal their food with our electronic cats. Then they started following each other and we were found out. All of my kind went down to Earth to fight the humans but were crushed by Big Ben. I was left alone on the ship looking for company but no one, except you, were around.
8
“So you kidnapped me” said John” “not exactly” Fred grunted “I…borrowed you.” Suddenly they were knocked out and carried away. Again. It happened so quickly that they didn’t even notice. When they woke up they were loaded up in a huge cannon with a bomb strapped to them. The cannon was about 10 metres wide, 5 metres wide and smelt of rotten turnips. “Aaaaagh” John was having an intergalactic fit while Fred tried to disarm the bomb. “It’s an eternity bomb” Fred groaned, “It has over 15,000,000,000 possible ways to disarm it, but only one answer”. Then they heard a fizz and a boom as they were blown up into the sky … and down again! They landed, luckily on a king-sized mattress in a huge rubbish dump on the other side of the planet.”
9
“Now if only I could find a …” “what’s this?” John interrupted Fred holding a thing that looked like a knife’s handle with a lump of jelly coming out of the end. “Thank you!” Fred Shouted as he grabbed the thing and draped it over the bomb. It disintegrated in front of them while the bomb unstrapped from Fred! Now you are probably wondering what that thing is, it is a thindrog and it can untie anything no matter how tight it is. They hurried across the dump and made it out smelling of year old debris of a dead cow. Exhausted, they lay down beside a log just as the bomb blew up sending old nappies and bits of cardboard flying everywhere! John found a nice little cave to stay the night.
10
In the morning they awoke to the sound of gunfire and they were soon found out. “What are we going to do now?”John said to Fred as they were carried away to the prison of Crent by the guards of the prison of Crent. You can also say the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent or the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent or the paws of the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of the prison of Crent or the pads of the paws of the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent or the material of the pads of the paws of the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent or the molecules of the material of the pads of the paws of the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent or the atoms of the molecules of the material of the pads of the paws of the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent or the protons of the atoms of the molecules of the material of the pads of the paws of the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent or the quarks of the protons of the atoms of the molecules of the material of the pads of the paws of the kittens of the cats of the guards of the prison of Crent. In the prison the doors opened upwards and the benches broke if you put more than 20 KGs on them they broke.”Well” grumbled John “I’m thinking” answered Fred. After about 8 hours Fred shouted “I’ve got it!” “What?” asked John “we can use this method to get us out!” whispered Fred and they discussed the plan.
11
Later on they hid behind the door and shouted “guard! Guard!” the guard opened the door and they ran out! Pushing past the police, they made for the exit and just made it out! The next day they got picked up by the police and thrown into a rocket. “Why are we in a rocket?” John asked the captain. “You were to annoying” he growled back. Fred and John were grabbed by a large mechanical device and dropped, outside the ship, onto a planet that looked like mars and earth merged together (you wouldn’t know this planet because it is 100,000,000,000,000 miles away).
12
They landed with a thud, “WOOHOO!” shouted Fred at the top of his voice. “HOME!” “Wh-?” Stuttered John “I’ll explain” whispered Fred. He explained how he was a soldier on his planet and was commanded to conquer earth. Fred showed John around his village, introduced his family and even taught him how to speak xxpttle! “Do you ever want to go back to earth?” Asked Fred “no, you’re my best friend. Plus, no-one would believe my story!” said John and the whole family laughed!